Asking Eric: Engaged in their 70s, couple hates being called ‘cute’

DEAR ERIC: I am newly in love and engaged. My fiancé and I are both in our early 70s. Quite a few of my friends (not my close friends but others) have responded to the news with: how cute! Somehow the fact that we have fallen in love and plan to marry is “cute.”
I find this infantilizing, as if we were small children playing dress-up. I realize that people are happy for us and that the marriage of two people past 70 is unexpected and startling in a pleasant way. But cute? Would anyone call an impending marriage of two 35-year-olds cute? Am I being over-sensitive about ageism? And can you come up with a response?
– Engaged at Any Age
DEAR ENGAGED: Congratulations. I don’t think you’re being overly sensitive, per se. But I think people tend to lump a lot of love relationships into the cute category. It can be shorthand for something unexpected but lovely. I’ve heard people use it to talk about teenagers in love, coworkers, seniors and long-lost friends. That said, thinking it’s unexpected to find love past 70 is ageist.
Bottom line: if it doesn’t sit right with you, that’s all that matters.
Try coming up with another descriptor. Something that matches the way you feel. “Oh, we don’t think it’s cute. We think it’s [fill in the blank].” It could be “passionate,” “romantic,” “right on time” or anything else you choose. You get to define your relationship.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
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